|043 notes| Saturday, Feb 25 at 3:54 am

seeing a lot of posts about rape jokes lately

my 2c:

rape jokes are tricky. there are many studies that point to how, as a “whole” they enforce the belief that “rape isnt a big thing” (personally i find many of them to be poorly put together but whatever) annnd that is the conclusion that is reached. there also seems to be a general consensus amongst tumblrites that they are ALWAYS BAD and NEVER GOOD and ALWAYS HURT PEOPLE and are NEVER FUNNY.

and you know, that is probably the case for a great number of people. i dont doubt it. there are certain things that hurt people and jokes about sexual violence are definitely in that group. HOWEVER

HOWEVER

there is also an assumption that survivors are some amorphous group with one opinion and one opinion only, that should be stuck to like crazy. there is a saccharine “familial” label that seems to be passed around (“my sisters, my brothers”) (i won’t get into how physically disgusted that makes me but whatever) and its as if they are “one big family” with “one big mindset” on things.

er

that presents a problem.

if a survivor does not agree with something from the group, because there is a group mentality, they are often shunned and accused of “perpetuating the cycle of abuse,” “victim-blaming,” “not being a real survivor,” and my personal ~*~favourite~*~, “being ‘over it’.”

i get it. sometimes it helps to form a group of people, because it gives you support and other such wonderful things. trust me, i get it. but there’s this very toxic “if you disagree, you’re one of the enemies” mentality that i see repeatedly, and it’s often VERY encouraged. in such, the experiences of the black-sheep survivor are demeaned and treated as lesser. 

now, to the point: rape jokes are not ALWAYS bad. i know, some of you must be REELING, spittle dribbling out of your mouths in a blind rage, repeating “THIS PERSON HAS NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT!!! WHAT ABOUT ALL THE EVIDENCE!!!! HHHHHRRKRKRKRKRKKKKKK” because trust me i’ve seen it IRL. but it’s true. they are not ALWAYS bad. 

the needs of the survivor come first when recovery and acceptance are taking place. the needs of survivor 1 will not always be the same as the needs of survivor 2. the assumption that everyone copes similarly and will be damaged by things similarly is a dehumanizing one, something that reduces survivors down to an ELEMENT in society, not INDIVIDUALS. i know a few survivors who make jokes about rape in order to cope, yes, including myself. are they bad people? are they enforcers of the problem? are we coping INCORRECTLY because we do something that relieves tension, that lightens the load, that hey, doesn’t work for everyone and we don’t expect it to, but works for us?

i would like to extend to people the opportunity to tell me and my friends that we are coping incorrectly, and then i would like to put forth the fact that many of these same people telling us we are wrong also tell others that there is no incorrect way to cope. 

now, to clarify, there is a right and a wrong time to joke about these things. the RIGHT time to joke about these things would be when you are in like-minded, like-hearted, safe company. what i mean by like-hearted and like-minded:

- able to handle the joke

- able to derive humour from the joke

- will not be offended by that brand of humour

- recognize and are mindful of triggers

- realize consequences of rape in the real world and its relevance to daily life (informed)

- know that their company, every member of it, will be able to appreciate the joke in some way

- recognize that a public place is not necessarily the best forum for this

annnnd etc

the WRONG time to joke about these things would be:

- in a public place, or where people do not have the OPTION about hearing these things (i.e in a store, in a chatroom with random people, etc)

- not everyone will get/appreciate/like/derive humour from the joke

- people are not in a place of mental stability concerning this issue

and just general rules of etiquette.

on tumblr, i believe that one takes risks. by following someone, if you have PTSD or an anxiety disorder, you are placing yourself at risk. it is not the other person’s job to accommodate you, whether you like it or not. not everyone has the same humour, not everyone will agree with you, not everyone will treat things the way you do. writing them off as a “scumbag who tells rape jokes” would be jumping to conclusions, in most cases.

when it comes to things like people playing video games and saying “LOL TOTALLY RAPED THAT ENEMY” i think that they don’t necessarily understand the consequences of their actions and that they have absolutely no tact - not necessarily that they are scumbags. if anything, they’re plain obnoxious. but their humour, although harsh, simply does not mesh with your own. 

in short, a few points to summarize:

- not all survivors agree

- they are not an amorphous blob of people or a hive-mind

- do not EVER expect them to be

- humour is highly subjective, regardless of harshness

- if a survivor chooses to joke about such things with their friends, who respect their situation, let them

- there is always a time and place for everything

- do not ever EXPECT others to accommodate you, and when they do not, do not assume they are human filth sliding along the planet’s face

peace out, YOLO

  1. theredladyelebuu reblogged this from princessnecrophilia and added:
    really really good post. I’m generally uncomfortable with rape jokes because...usually...
  2. elementary-my-dear-idiots reblogged this from lorycannotsupinate
  3. lorycannotsupinate reblogged this from princessnecrophilia and added:
    Read the entire original post before saying anything, please. I really like allie’s post and the commentary added by...
  4. konekosilvertail reblogged this from princessnecrophilia
  5. medukka reblogged this from princessnecrophilia
  6. othartryggvassen reblogged this from princessnecrophilia
  7. cmmrcstrn reblogged this from princessnecrophilia and added:
    with self-harm/depression problems who will...tree, slit your wrists
  8. maneir reblogged this from montbear
  9. montbear reblogged this from princessnecrophilia and added:
    ahhhhh yes yes yes this is so true it’s ass-backwards to promote a safe space for people in x group and then snap and...
  10. evenstrangerthandanger reblogged this from princessnecrophilia and added:
    Praise be to kawaii desu I found more to fuel my revelation
  11. princessnecrophilia reblogged this from montbear and added:
    definitely true and im glad you added this commentary in spaces where “everyone is one” or “everyone is family” (the...
  12. cat-face reblogged this from boltong and added:
    like-minded and like-hearted yes. i agree with a bunch of this i think. replace all that with cancer/dead dad jokes and...
  13. ardeb said: Actually agree with you a lot, although I’d sheepishly venture to point out that pretty much everyone I’ve seen who makes rape comments in online games is a scumbag :x public forums just aren’t appropriate for jokes like that imo
  14. boltong reblogged this from princessnecrophilia
  15. princessnecrophilia posted this